so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
