he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
