To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize