i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
