Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
