OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize