there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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