I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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