I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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