I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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