nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
