I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
