i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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