go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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