Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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