he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
