I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
