i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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