what day is it and did you see me today?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
