he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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