that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
