dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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