Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize