just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
