I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
