tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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