How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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