Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
two words: eviction party
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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