I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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