I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I look better un-naked...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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