I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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