Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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