i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
