You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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