I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
