If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
