Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
