allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize