I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
