I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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