i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Drake has all the answers
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
