I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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