i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
