how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
