Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
