Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
