I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize