when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
