yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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