One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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