i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
