every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
