girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
