Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
