Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
