all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
