Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
