You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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