if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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