OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
