The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
