apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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