you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
