But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
