So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
