we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
