I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
